I've been living life alone for five weeks now. It's a path I hadn't expected to take so soon. To say one has their ups and downs is an understatement. Just when I think I have my act together, I fall apart.
Take for instance, the grocery store. No big deal. I've shopped for years, but suddenly I found myself trying to figure out how to shop for one. It was fun, at first, because I could buy what I wanted to eat. And, expensive cuts of fish and meat aren't so expensive when it is cut for one. But the other day, for some unexplained reason, I couldn't stop crying. It wasn't a sobbing, noisy type of cry. It was tears falling out of my eyes and I couldn't stop them. The poor lady at the checkout was so kind, but I felt foolish. I would have left the cart in some aisle and run out of the store, but I needed food and I needed to face my sorrow.
I had an interesting thing happen the other night. I had the pleasure of going out to dinner with several married friends. Since I live in a resort community that is basking in off season, deals are aplenty. All the restaurants in my area have summer deals to attract business. One favorite is two dinners and a bottle of wine for $29.99. How cool is that! When I asked the waiter if they had any deals for single people he said, "No, you will have to order from the regular menu." Ouch!
This didn't make me cry. It made me more aware of the plight single people face. So, I did what I love to do, I wrote a letter to the editor of our local newspaper about this dilemma. I hope it's printed.
My friends that have walked this path before assure me that everything I am feeling and everything I am experiencing is perfectly normal. That is somewhat of a comfort. But going through this mourning thing is a bitch, something I can't run from or hide from.
As my mother always use to say, "This too shall pass." I always hated that saying, but it is oh, so true.
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